Envy and Paranoia

I've been listening for a while to the Radio Blowfish Variety Show podcast, so first of all congrats to Heather on her big news from .. well, a few weeks ago. See, I listen to podcasts very deliberately. I don't like them as idle noise when I'm working, I use them as intellectual stimulus while accomplishing dreary tasks like mowing the lawn. So, belated yay Heather!

I really wish I had friends like the voices that come across on this podcast. Despite being flamboyantly perverted 90% of the time, I am secretly deeply ashamed of my sexual appetites. So much so that occasionally I regress into this sexless state - like, er, now. I want a community of sexually open friends to share orgasmic pursuits with. And I mean that more metaphorically than literally as I think I might be off multipartner sex. I have two close male friends I tell many things too, but its mostly to boost my ego as they are filled with envy. Thats pretty petty and kind of sick and fills me with loathing.

This blog, for me, was an attempt to better express my sexual identity but despite being a fairly decent non-sex blogger, I'm a terrible sex blogger. I peruse the blogosphere and want to crawl into a hole. It makes me feel like I'm in grade 8 again.

That feeling is 100% self-generated, of course.

But dodging past the self loathing for a moment, despite our recent shopping spree our sex life has been pretty absent lately, and I think it is a knee-jerk reaction to the repressive place we live in. Its frustrating, and makes me pretty sad on the inside. Its all related to stress and pressure and honestly I think my desire to cut back on marijuana has really added to it. But I feel kind of trapped, and I wish someone would just come along and rip be out of this idle, sexless existence.

Maybe once the strap on comes in that will happen.

I hate it when life steps between my wife and my penis.

It has been a sexless week. Stepping up the weight loss initiative we've being going to the gym at 5:30 AM twice a week. This has pretty much killed entirely the rest of life as we know it aside from the basics of work and rudimentary chores. We are, essentially, mindless zombies. And even with Peter Jackson to the contrary, mindless zombies don't fuck.

But the Goddess was out of town one night for work and we got really saucy on the gTalk talking about her getting a strap on and fucking me in the ass. I don't know how I discovered anal play being enjoyable - probably one of those hey I'll try anything moments - but for the most part she doesn't indulge me in such stimulation. It's not a bisexuality fantasy thing as I've proven to my satisfaction that I'm pretty much entirely heterosexual. I'm just a kinky bastard.

We've been listening to the Radio Blowfish Variety Show and like what we hear. Why couldn't we have friends in the real world like this? Oh, right, we live in hell. Anyway, they recommended a good harness for such activities but I'm concerned about sizing on my plus-sized lover. I can't say I ever imagined I'd write the email I'm about to write. Life is beautiful.