Well THAT Was Wierd

She has been itching to try the speculum we impuse-bought on our order from the wonderful people at Blowfish. So after some frustration with our lack of sexual opportunity since our debauched birthday threesome She decided to pounce on me this morning.

Now, for some reason, I just don't much like morning sex. The physical functions work just fine, but my brain doesn't seem to pick up on penile pleasure before breakfast. I don't like masturbating before noon, either.

So we decided to take it slow and out came the speculum. And the flash light. And the digital camera. It was neat.

And then...

I fucked the speculum. Well, I guess I fucked her with the speculum in the way. So half of it was fleshy and half of it was metallic, and we relied on the locking mechanism to not slam closed on me.

It required delicacy, it required care, and it was really unusual. No complaints, but I question my innate urge to stick my dick in things.

She Lies There

She lies next to me in bed, dressed only in her blue boy-short style panties. The duvet is just barely over her ample and gorgeous breasts. She is dozing off, avoiding house work to lie next to me. To be close to me. I cannot love her more than I love her right now.

Last weekend was her birthday and we drank to much wine. Her best friend came over late in the evening and we danced and drank and talked. And then at the time when the night meets the morning we all made love to each other, bodies draped over one another, the sound of leather on skin accentuating the moans of passion and lust.

An hour later the dawn is breaking. She has dozed off, exhausted, her vagina a soft and receding heat. Her friend is still hungry for more, and as she quietly slumbers we remain entwined in passion. I thrust myself deep inside this other woman and gaze on her sleeping face and wonder at her beauty. I cannot love her more than I love her right now.

Yesterday I had a nap. I awoke to her soft lips on my forehead. He voice was small in my ear. I cannot love her more than I love her right now.

Envy and Paranoia

I've been listening for a while to the Radio Blowfish Variety Show podcast, so first of all congrats to Heather on her big news from .. well, a few weeks ago. See, I listen to podcasts very deliberately. I don't like them as idle noise when I'm working, I use them as intellectual stimulus while accomplishing dreary tasks like mowing the lawn. So, belated yay Heather!

I really wish I had friends like the voices that come across on this podcast. Despite being flamboyantly perverted 90% of the time, I am secretly deeply ashamed of my sexual appetites. So much so that occasionally I regress into this sexless state - like, er, now. I want a community of sexually open friends to share orgasmic pursuits with. And I mean that more metaphorically than literally as I think I might be off multipartner sex. I have two close male friends I tell many things too, but its mostly to boost my ego as they are filled with envy. Thats pretty petty and kind of sick and fills me with loathing.

This blog, for me, was an attempt to better express my sexual identity but despite being a fairly decent non-sex blogger, I'm a terrible sex blogger. I peruse the blogosphere and want to crawl into a hole. It makes me feel like I'm in grade 8 again.

That feeling is 100% self-generated, of course.

But dodging past the self loathing for a moment, despite our recent shopping spree our sex life has been pretty absent lately, and I think it is a knee-jerk reaction to the repressive place we live in. Its frustrating, and makes me pretty sad on the inside. Its all related to stress and pressure and honestly I think my desire to cut back on marijuana has really added to it. But I feel kind of trapped, and I wish someone would just come along and rip be out of this idle, sexless existence.

Maybe once the strap on comes in that will happen.

Sexy Shopping Spree

A week or so ago we went on a shopping spree. Unlike our regular shopping sprees this was a sexy shopping spree and several hundred dollars later we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our new sex toys. Finances are tight around here, but let's be honest--sometimes you need to invest in your sex life. We've been teetering on the edge of obscurity and dissatisfaction for a while now. Every couple goes through phases in their sexuality. Lately the sex that we do have is really satisfying and even a little more kinky than usual, but we just don't have nearly enough of it. Have we just gotten lazy? Complacent? I think so. We just don't try very hard to have an outstanding sex life. We used to be the couple who would intentionally see movies in theatres that we had no interest in seeing just so we could make-out in the back. We would seek out unusual places to have sex. We were very proud of our sexually adventurous selves. We had stories to tell. Now, the stories we tell consist of long ago happenings and we need to do something. We need an intervention. Ugh. We have turned into an old-married couple.

We shopped at a sex toy store online. The purchases themselves, I hope, will allow us to further explore our sexuality and push our limits. Some are for me, some are for him. But I'm pretty sure that we will both have fun with all of them.

I've been in a 'pain' phase lately. I'm enjoying being exploited. Pushed. My selections are:

A Ball Gag. I think the rationale here is pretty obvious. I want to be tied up, I want him to take me against my will, I want to struggle and feel helpless. I want to be controlled. I want Resident Manservant to mount me and ride me as hard as he can and pay no mind to my screams of intense pleasure mixed with equal parts pain.

Also handy for those times when I'm really loud and my sister is home. I'm sure she will appreciate this purchase.


Nipple Clips. I have always loved nipple and breast torture. When I first started masturbating, I focused a lot on my breasts. I would bind them using shoe laces. I would use a pen or something long and straight and thread it through the laces between my breasts and twist it to add tension. I used clothes pins. I used hair-ties to wrap my nipples. When you're 14 with no money--you can be pretty resourceful. My old nipple clips are worn out and I needed new ones.




Skin Prickler. I don't exactly what to expect from this one. But I can imagine being tied up, so I can't struggle or squirm too much. I can imagine being flogged or spanked to increase sensitivity all over my body. I can imagine being teased with ice water, or wax. I can imagine this prickler being rolled gently over my body. And then not so gently. I can imagine wanting it to stop while at the same time wanting him to go harder....oh, goddess....I can hardly wait.





The Flogger. This is really for both of us. It's hard to see in the picture, but one side of this flogger is made of leather. For a nice strong, stinging, spanking sensation. The other side is covered in a soft, fleecy fabric. Resident Manservant enjoys having his ass spanked. I enjoy spanking it. I enjoy being spanked. And when you think you've had enough, flip it over and massage gently with the soft side until you recover and are ready for more. I can already feel the tension mounting within us. I can hear my own whimpering and I will be begging him to stop. And he won't. He will keep pushing me.





Butt Plugs. This is a therapy toy for me. I once had a sexual partner who pushed me just a little too far, too fast when it came to anal sex. I've never been the same since. I know I can enjoy anal sex. But I have this mental block that I just haven't been able to work out. I have this double penetration fantasy and I don't think I'll ever be able to go there if I don't get over this mental block when it comes to things in my ass.

I'm sure Manservant will enjoy this one too. He likes his ass. And likes things in it. We can share.



Smart Balls. Every woman has heard that the key to having mind blowing orgasms is to have strong PC muscles. These things are meant to be whenever you want--even all day. They are subtle. The other key to mid-blowing orgasms is to be ultra stimulated. And These little beasties will take care of that quite handily. Resident Manservant has suggested that the thought of me walking around all day at work with these things in my pussy will be more than enough to wind him up quite nicely. I'm not exactly sure how they work, but I think it is essentially a ball within a ball that allows for a natural amount of vibration and stimulation.



Now his selections:

A double-ended dildo. Resident Manservant wants to be fucked by his wife. This double-ended dildo will allow me to do just that. One end will fit into my vagina and the other end will be used for anal penetration. I have to say I am really nervous about this one. I've never been the 'fucker' before....only the 'fuckee'. I'm totally willing to give it a shot though.

He adds:

I've done a lot of fucking in my day. And I do a lot of masturbating on the side. During one adventurous masturbation session (stoned AND drunk) while the Goddess was out of work on business I stuck a dildo up there. Curiosity had gotten the better of me. Once I got past the pain (the booze and weed helped) I realized that people did this for a reason. A good reason. A great reason.

I think the last American Pie movie and an associated Nurse fetish really planted this in my brain as something to do.

A Harness. This is a necessity, given the above selection. Looks awesome and it's supposed to be really comfortable.


He adds:

As recommended on the Blowfish podcast which you should all listen to. How many podcasts help you have better orgasms?

A speculum. Somebody wants to play doctor. I ordered a large. I think I'll enjoy this as much as he will.


He adds:

I don't even know what I'm going to do with this. But I want to try.

Talking, and Patience

The problem I have is patience. We have been talking dirty to each other all day. I was sitting in a room of hundreds of people when the cellphone buzzes.

I want to be punished

It's not that I have a problem with the idea, its the implementation that I have problems with. I have no patience - I go straight for my orgasm and bowl over anything that gets in my way. Any perversions we choose to share are usually minimal endeavors to fill the foreplay time. To get me excited. Once excited I just want to get on and ride it out.

My body. I want you to abuse it.

I know from reading about BDSM that it can be so much better than this, and I can feel so much energy when sexually aroused that I know working to capture it, channel it, mold it, can only have positive outcomes. But I'm so used to just racing towards the finish, to the sublime thrill of the orgasm, the ejaculation, that I can't stop. I think I'm addicted. Semen is my inverse heroin. I need to my next hit. I need it now.

you need to fuck me tonight.

I'm not sure how I will break this cycle. I still idly masturbate to extreme pornography just to fill the time some days, just to say I did. I think I actually abuse my own sexuality, take it for granted. It is an end, not a means, not a sublime spiritual experience fueled out of the primal creative instincts of the universe. I don't respect it. I don't respect myself.

we need to go shopping tonight
for sex toys
online

I want tonight to be something special. I want to have sex for hours and hours and not be a slave to the tyranny of hydraulics. I want to take her and use her and abuse her and make her my little slut and know that she loves me for it. Because I could never love another woman the way I love her and I want to give her everything she wants.

Exploitation

I want to be sexually exploited by my man. Used. Abused. Raped. I don't know exactly where this recent urge has come from--but I suppose that is a post for another day. A week or so ago we somehow ended up role-playing a rape fantasy of sorts and it was fantastic. And since then my need for this kind of attention is on the rise. I am craving it. There is something about being wanted so badly, so desperately, by a man that he is willing to do anything to fuck me. Makes my pussy quiver.


We've been discussing what this means to me--what kind of abuse is it that I want? How do I want to be used? BDSM and rape fantasies aren't the same thing, so do I want to be dominated or 'raped'? I don't want to have a really ugly and violent experience, necessarily. I want to be forced and I want to struggle. But I want to be fucked like a guy might fuck his girlfriend. Except I'm not his girlfriend and I don't want to be fucked. That sounds like a good scenario to start with.