Crossing Lines (Part 3)

The question as to whether this action taken by Resident Manservant is compatible with my feelings is very intriguing to me and I've been working on understanding my answer to this question all week.

It is true that he and I had had a conversation discussing our rules of engagement only moments before he chose to break them. And one might think that this would cause a certain and undeniable amount of distrust within me. To jump to the end of the story first, I will say that I have no problem with Resident Manservant and what he has done. This was my initial and immediate response and I was very surprised by it.

That being said, I've been trying to understand why I feel that way. We have had threesomes before with a number of different people. My friend being one of them. She is the only person who we have invited into our bed more than once though. She is a very close friend and the three of us get along very well. Many similar interests, and at the very least a similar outlook and philosophy about life.

When R.M and I first started 'swinging' we laid out some fairly exclusive rules. 'Only Together' being the first and most important rule. We were never supposed to pursue any extra-curricular sexual activity without our partner by our side. This was something we wanted to experience together. We didn't want to swap partners with people. We wanted to participate in beautiful sex acts together--with another female or male joining us, or perhaps in a larger, orgy-oriented environment.

The last number of times we have had threesomes have been with my friend and I have always felt a bit like an accessory. While I am quite interested in playing with Miss Single in a sexual way, I have never felt like her interest in reciprocating is genuine. She plays along, but I've always felt that it was a bit of a ploy to get at the magnificent cock of my husband. Whether she is genuine in her play or not, my interest has really waned in terms of having sexual relations with her as I really feel like the third wheel in the exchange. I'm just along for the ride. More a spectator than a participant.

Resident Manservant and I talked about this before bed that night and I reiterated that I was not interested in pursuing a threesome. It just wasn't all that satisfying for me. I knew she wanted action--and she was hoping to get it from Mr. Moved Away, but that clearly wasn't going to happen. Therefore, I was not at all surprised to hear when I first opened my eyes in the morning from R.M. that he had fucked Miss Single after I fell asleep. And I didn't mind. Obviously, he had crossed a line. A line that we had very recently discussed and reiterated. But it was cool.

I guess a big part of this is that this wasn't some random chick. She is a close friend whom we both care very deeply for. And in some ways I'd rather that she fuck my husband instead of some random guy she might pick up at the bar or return to other past boyfriends or fuck buddies--people who don't really care about her or treat her particularly well. We have explored this relationship together and I've decided that I'm not getting what I need out of it and it's not quite the right thing for me. Now, I'm not sure how I'd feel if this continued on a regular basis. But that is more because I am worried about my friend and her ability to remain emotionally aware and neutral while having sex with my fantastic and totally lovable husband. I don't worry about my husband's ability to do the same, but I would hate for her to fall tragically in love with a man who will never love her in the way she is desperately hoping to be loved. In the way she deserves to be loved.

What this means now is that my feelings regarding our extra-curricular sexual activities have evolved. I think I'd like to find myself a fuck buddy. Someone I can be close with, someone I actually have something in common with aside from sex, someone who I might even be interested in dating if I didn't already have a primary relationship with a wonderful man. Someone I could date, fuck, hang out with, and explore with, all without commitment.

I haven't said that very eloquently, I know. But what I'd really like to explore is whether it's possible to find people to have meaningful relationships with whom I might also occasionally have sex with. Polyamory is the term that comes to mind. I don't know if it's possible. But I'd like to try.