Relationships

Relationships are complicated. I think we all know that. But I think that we are all equally unaware of just how complicated and messy they can truly get and I think that is precisely why so many relationships are doomed to failure. Every couple eventually reaches that point where all they feel they can do is say "I had no idea" and walk out. Why are we so fucking surprised when we inevitably ram headstrong into this proverbial wall?

I think media and popular entertainment has a lot to do with it--as they do with most things. When was the last time you watched, totally engrossed, a movie depicting someone's realtionship falling to bits and pieces? No one wants to watch that shit, it's too close to real life.

We are afraid of what it means to be in a relationship. And by 'be' in a relationship I don't mean simply to have a partner. I mean to actually participate in the regular upkeep and maintenance of this relationship. Sounds like a car--and it is like a car. You can't take it for granted that your car is just going to work for you day in and day out without proper maintenance. You ignore it often enough and it will inevitibaly blow up in your face.

But mostly we are all bloody afraid. Afraid to bring up issues because you may be risking your happy family life. This issue (whatever this issue might be) might be the straw that broke the camels back. You don't say anything and everything goes on as per normal. Except it isn't normal and it will never be normal again.

Our relationship has been stressed lately. Really stressed. I've been in less than stable work environments for the past 2 years at least and for most of this past year I have been looking for full time work. Resident manservant has hated his job for as long as he's had it. He is desperately unhappy at work and brings it all home. He tries to escape by playing video games or goofing off online, but the net result is that our relationships suffers for it. Add to that a significant amount of conflict over the division of labour in the household, feelings of neglect, financial stress (due to a combination of really poor money management skills, lack of stable income and regular fits of shopping to ease the pain...) and you have a relationship that has blown past the breaking point and is ready to, well, break.

Oh, I know. It isn't as bad as all that. I know it isn't. At least not today. But I'd be lying to you if I suggested that there haven't been days when I've wondered if we are going to make it.

I have finally found some full-time employment and I'm hoping that this bit of stability will finally give us the breathing room that we so desperately need. Allow us to establish a budget that works for us and that we can stick to. Allow us to focus on our home life and our family. Allow us to take care of the things that need taking care of. Maybe even allow us to think about the future (gasp!).

I don't think we know exactly what to do now. But I know that one way or another we will come through this okay. We are committed to making this work and we have to keep focused on the things in life that matter.

Each other.